DC Road Rules...Second Edition

Now that we've fought for vehicular survival on the DC roadways for a year now, it's time to publish the second annual, DC Road Rules:
Right-Of-Way: Belongs to whoever has the best insurance, the biggest vehicle, the worst temper, or a death wish.
Lanes: These are the HHS mandate of Capitol Hill roadways...If you like your lane, you can keep it regardless of merging, light signals, or blinkers. If it was northbound this morning, it will be southbound by noon without the consent of the people. If you've never been able to make lanes work for you, just take one from someone else.
Pedestrians: Mainly 2 different types of pedestrians...
 1.Staffers -dressed in business attire and tennis shoes, will take their chances to cross even if the crosswalk isn't lit since their errand is way more important than the oncoming wall of traffic.
2. Tourists- Very dangerous, exercise extreme caution due to tour maps blocking their line of vision, their lack of clearing crosswalks by light change due to excessive weight bought on by backpacks, souvenirs, cameras, water bottles, ponchos, and pushcarts, and their flighty unpredictable actions around national monuments may cause them to randomly stop for photo opportunities.

No Turn On Red: Look both ways, or don't, and turn.
Car Horn: Remember to keep randomly using this. I still can't determine the rhyme or reason, but you're not in the "cool" group if you aren't honking.
Yield Signs: A vintage decorative throwback to simpler times of horse and buggy transportation. One day they'll update the roadside decor with more modern signs of, "You Snooze, You Loose".
Parking: Allow a 5 1/2 hour minimum in your schedule to achieve this.
Turn signals: Pretty sure this is a ticketed offense. Everyone seems pretty hesitant to use it so play it safe and use road rage.


  1. This post is so hilarious!!! I've never driven in D.C. for all those reasons you just listed...my grandma always drives and it is quite the harrowing experience!
    Hope you all are doing well!
    Kimber W. :)


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