Thursday, July 25, 2013

Post Traumatic Spider Disorder

If that's not a certifiable diagnosis, than it needs to be identified, labeled, and included in curriculum in medical schools across the country stat.
Because I don't care who you are, when you see a monster like this literally jump at you from inside your dryer, you will soon be suffering from post traumatic spider disorder.
I was never one to claim arachnophobia. I mean I have helped clear out black widow nests before. But when I was pulling fluffy clean laundry from a dryer and this beast attempted an all out attack, I now have symptoms WebMD has never seen the likes.
If there's, a fuzzy on the floor that suddenly moves in the breeze, a suspicious piece of dark balled up paper, a black tangled thread under the table, I'm all out sweat and panic, running from the eight-legged monsters my brain convinces me they are.
Maybe it's a side effect of Post Traumatic Spider Disorder, but I'm doubtful this beast acted alone and a million dollars won't make me go into the laundry room by myself. I'm certain it has accomplices ready to pick up where this one left off.
These are no peaceful arachnids either. These are highly trained mammoths conditioned to sense no fear. He did not go down without a fight and they clearly have no limitations or boundaries as he was in my sealed dryer! That tube he is in is about 5" long and he was strong enough to move the hinged door back and forth!
I know I may look idiotic batting at lint balls and jumping with peripheral movement, but before I completely loose all coolness cards answer me this...
How do I explain to a 4 year old who's worse nightmare is getting eaten by a gigantic spider that no such arachnid exists with a beast like this roaming our laundry room?

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