The Answer To All Our Problems

Just when we were running out of answers, just when we were at the end of our rope and all hope seemed lost- we found it..the cure!
(I'm being sarcastic here if you aren't able to pick up on that:)

This ingenious line of drops claims to "treat children's emotions and restore balance naturally". The drops come in three different varieties to target hard issues children face.

The first is the Rescue Remedy for relief of stress. Finally Harrison, you will now not have to worry about how the bills are going to get paid, finishing all the Christmas shopping in time, or the economy. Just of few of these drops and all the stress of your day to day, putting long hours in at the office, keeping up with the household chores and family schedules, you will be able to just take a deep breath and relax. And Harrison, wait until I can give you a few drops of these, the Daydream Remedy. It will "help your child live more actively in the present rather than in the future and bring them out of their daydreams." So my little time traveler, all that creativity that went into silly blockbuster hits such as Star Wars, Back To The Future, and books like Left Behind can just melt away with these drops. We don't want your head full of dreams and nonsense. We most certainly don't want you to plan big and dream about what you can accomplish in the future. I mean really, when has dreaming big really helped anyone. I don't know anyone who decided to dream big and achieve the impossible. What a waste of time.
(I hope you are catching the sarcasm still:) And last but not least my little timid and meek boy is the Confidence Remedy! It "Instills a greater sense of self esteem when you feel inferior, fear failure, or lack confidence." Since I see you quit time and again when you fall down, since I have never seen you try to act superior to me or challenge me, since I see you lack confidence to learn new skills like crawling all over the place, trying new foods, climbing the stairs, or letting go of things to stand on your own, well, I think these could be the drops for you. Can't wait to finally build some independence in you and help you feel like you can do anything, go anywhere, achieve anything, or just branch out there and not feel too timid to. I have a feeling these drops are the answer to it all. What would we ever do without these?
Excuse me while I go laugh some more:)